Great Lent has begun, and true to the form of the season, many people around me are experiencing an uptick in the occurrence and severity of challenges.
The Wise Words of a priest from Eugene, Oregon, and the wisdom of St. Theophan the Recluse have shown me different ways to buckle down during difficult prayer times and given me incentives to combat my lack of desire to go to Church. But as you read this, I'd like to remind you that it is really good to keep in mind that the enemy of mankind is very skilled at projecting thoughts of antipathy and getting you to accept that they are your own so that you agree you need to a break from Church or evening and morning prayers. And in all such things, consult your spiritual advisor.
I've never gone fishing, but I would like to. But from what I know of its technique of reeling the fish in, successful fishermen know when to allow the fishing line to go slack and when to tighten it when they are reeling in their quarry. If you know how to do this you will have a higher success in capturing your fish. This is highly analogous to prayer.
In my early days of being Orthodox, I struggled sometimes with going to Church and with prayer. Although I've gotten to the place where I go more often than not, I still struggle during times of high challenges in my life. My priest would advise that it is good to take a walk in nature, that taking a walk is good just to get the body moving. This is a great antidote when dealing with despondency, my old go-to when I'm triggered, which makes you want to get into the fetal position with covers over your head. So you didn't get to Church. But taking a walk near a favorite hiking trail or park, gets you out of that loop where you're thinking should I go, oh, it's too late; now I missed it completely...and you're still in bed, not having done your morning prayers. Don't go to Church, take a walk in nature...it gets you out of that thought loop which is actually like a prison keeping you in bed. (and by the way, Monday comes, and you spring out of bed to make it to the job where you have to deal with the co-workers you were so assiduously looking forward to not seeing for two days. The irony.
I lived near a tributary of the Willamette River, just blocks away, and I loved to walk and bike there, to feel the energy of the river, to take in the beauty of the colour green in the Pacific Northwest no matter what the season. So did my cat, Alicio, but that is another story.
Have you ever noticed how Orthodox Christian Churches and Monasteries look like oases of paradises, with paths and places to rest in the cool of the shade, surrounded by nicely maintained gardens, or in the case of monasteries, the glory of the nature that Christ created for us?
Look, I will never tell you not to attend Church, unless you are absolutely bedridden, because my experience has been that when I don't feel like going to Church, I'm being aided by thoughts of the 'Frenemy' who hates humankind, and who is jealous of us, and who wants to advise of everything that will cause us to be displeasing to God--our only true Friend. And not going to the Church teaches us a self-reliance that is not rooted in God. One time I went very late to a service, and the presence of the Holy Spirit was so strong, I felt deep remorse for missing most of the service and I realised I was taking God for granted--and not in a good way. Talking about Knowing that I missed out.
Because we are weak, sometimes we decide we need to rest, we decide we need to take a break, ----whatever! Or we are too upset about something. We forget that we can take it to the Lord in prayer,no matter how triggered we are. Once I had a major argument outside of the Church I attended. It was extremely painful and humiliating. I decided I wasn't going to go in to the service, so I called a non-Orthodox friend and asked her to come pick me up...but she was having dinner with guests. I couldn't walk home feeling shredded as I did, I lived about five blocks away, and I felt like a hunted and vulnerable prey inside my heart. Church was just across the street from the parking lot. So I went to Church. I sang in the cliros. And afterwards, I was better. Over the next few days and months, I was able to get through it; I think I'm stronger in Christ because of it. So no matter what happens, go to Church. God will get you through it. But if we don't make it, try to say one or more of the prayers of the service you've missed, and make a firm determination to make the next service.
In our spiritual life, sometimes the thinking patterns that we have developed are being challenged and that makes it hard to pray or to attend services. The devil wants to keep you and me in those old belief patterns. For example many folks have issues of whether they will generally succeed or fail in life. If one is generally triggered by a success or a failure, the devil wants to push you into stinking thinking with the goal of you deciding that you need not pray, that you need not attend Church in order to get you to accept failure as proof of being a loser or success as proof of danger. Old coping skills are symptoms of a self-reliance not rooted in God. As my priest tells me, fight those feelings, get to Church, show up to the prayer corner. But again, if we don't make it, try to say one or more of the prayers of the service you've missed, and make a firm determination to make the next service.
Sometimes you are at Church, or the prayer corner and our frenemy is always there to project antipathetic thoughts into your heart and your mind, thoughts of worry, of woe, and the thoughts are rushing around so much, your body follows after them, and you don't know how you got outside taking out the trash, or washing the dishes. Eventually, you will come to your senses, and hopefully back to the Church service and prayer corner. Most times we are so identified with our thoughts we don't realise they are from the enemy who is well practiced in exploiting our wounds. This is why the Church teaches us not to be identified with our thoughts.
So this is what St. Theophan the Recluse himself says in Letter No. XXXII(32) of the Spiritual Path and How To Be Attuned To It:
"Prayer is that which is in addition to prayer in Church. That is already self-evident. You know how to pray in church, of course. However, do take it into consideration: Go to church willingly, as to the house of God, your own home; go there without being contemptuous or bored. Go to church not just to be at the service, but in order to pray from your heart. Pray with sincere warmth, with an outpouring before God, with feelings of contrition, humility, and reverential fear and with diligent petitions for your vital spiritual needs. To succeed at this you have to think it out ahead of time, and, having come to church, you must force yourself to it. Do not consider attendance at the service to be useless; during the course of the service the heart is warmed and calls out warmly to God."
And elsewhere he continues:
"A remedy of straying thoughts is mental attention, attention to the fact that the Lord is before us and we are before Him...The attention is attached to the Lord by the fear of God and by the desire to please God. From these comes warmth of the heart which draws the attention to the One Lord. Work at stirring the heart, and you will see for yourself how it keeps the thoughts in check. It is necessary to force yourself. Without labour and mental effort you will not attain anything spiritual."
And there is more, but I suggest you get yourself a copy of The Spiritual Path and How To Be Attuned To It. The Lenten Fast, (and to be honest, all the lengthy fasts of the Church), is often fraught with heightened occurrences of challenges. Remember God allows this in order to scourge our souls so that when we come out of the Lenten Fast, we are more healed and able to enter more deeply into communion with God. So, buck up fellow traveler, God is with Thee.
In Conclusion, I end with the Blessing of St. Theophan that comes from this chapter:
"May the Lord grant that you feel delight in being at church [and at your prayer corner] so that you will rush to it, just as people rush into a warm room from the cold." Amen.
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